Mess Effect: Critical MASS!
by Talos Angel
Summary: Sorry about this. Got drunk and wrote this again.
1. Chapter 1

ASS EFFECT: CRITICAL MAS!

CHAOTER ONE: THE NEW TREAT!

Comander Shepard was the best spade commander in all of the comanding the feet of human and alien. He had a loot of funny fightin the bad guys like cerebus and the geth and the rapers, too. Then ome day, he killed himself to turn off al reaper in the uniserse everywhere. HE WAs not gone fourever, thou, because Tali got prefnent with his twim dauterds who ere named Sheep and Goat in onor of Shepard is dead to save the alien humansd. The kid were sick to sick, to Tali had to back them to the floatilla to be healty.

ON THE FLOATZILLA!

SHeepANDGoat were un the buble place where the quatrian people kids bubble all day and Taly was dad because Shepard dead. "Mom what is your sad?" Shep ased her? "Oh noting" Tali aaid and she wet away and cried om the floor and her ant huged her and said "there! there!" "I guess wish I knew why is she sat?" Goat dait too.

THAN A GETH!

The Geth lasered the door off and shoots all the quarters in the ship everwhere! Only kid were left, so the goth boss telled them "TALE THE KIDS BUTT KILL THE ABULTS!" The quariens tried to back them, but the geth a tacked them with robots that had guns. "NOOO! MY BABBEIS!" Tali cried and shot a drome that shot robot to help, and some died. The Geth boss try to karate Talki, but she shotgunned the geth boss and he fliwd away and blow up. BUT the get took q/2 cildren, incloding Goat but not Shepp! NOOOOOOOOOOO! Tali was sadder more and Sheep said "Mom what is Goat?!" "SHE is a geth slav now! We cant save her!" They both cried and ten stoped crying later.


	2. Chapter 2

VHAPTER TWO: THE QUEST BEGINS!

Sheep growed older and had to geta suit to go on a pilgremage now. "I Will safe Goat on my pilemage, mom." "NO! They will death you, two!" Tali yelle at Sheep and salped her. "OW!" Sheep cry at hurt. "WAIT! She can win because she daughtr of Sheprad!" Kaid the admiral of the shit. "But Separd is died!" Tali saded. "I need to do what I need!" Sheep tell them and then she shipped away in a litle ship for on person away. She flied it past a lot of planet an eventually cashed into the citydel where the council live. "Where the geth?" She asked a Saladian but he was screming because Barbarian pirate were shot him and were the ntire citadel! Sheep pulled out a lazor katama and a pizza shotgun. She cuted the pirate in half anf shot a piza at the otre one...BUJT THE PISSA IS TO HOT! So it burn the pirate face off to death. Then a piret punced her down and tried to kill her with a gun, but GArus stabed his bran out.

"GARRUS! My dad helpd you!" Sheep said to garrus who suprised. "MY GOG! You like look Shepard Tali kid grow up!" Garus said. "Becuse Iam." Sheep ponted out, "Im locking for my sitter who the geth kinaped a lot of year ago." "I have a led on the case an an looking for help. We shold team up like Sheepard did in ME1 amd 2 bot I didnt pay 3 because I herd it suck." Garrus out. So they hifive and team.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPPTER THREE: I NEEDD HELP!

Too is not enoufh people to space adventure so Sheep and Garus had to get more help but they need a space first. They told Joker about their pans to go find Goat and the geth, and Joker liked to go too becaus his job workling at the citdel buger king was shit. "Only poblem is thaat my ship is only big enough for one me!" Sheep daid in sespair. "NO Probleno!" Joker yelled and he pull a bonch of ship bild materials out of a place he hided somewear no body can fins it! Sheep and Garrus put the stuff on the ship and up gated it to hold a lot of people, so they ledt the citadel now!

THEY WET TO PANET ILLOS

And they runned out of gas, but there are pople there so it was okey. They were loofing for a lead but then a Assari named Lsara whop was an alien. "Hi are you fitting the gerth?" "What if we arf?" Garrus asked a mad but Sheep said "Can you be toasted?" "Yes Iam the lead!" She sas, "But I am at a concert in a bit will you goo?" "OK" Garrus and Sheep and ev Jooker said and they went to consert, where Lsara was signing a song.

_Lovely Space!_

_Whu I am in the first place?_

_To fry among the stars!_

_Fom mercury to Mars!_

_Is the gratest dream!_

_It maks me like a queen!_

_It si such a discrace tat my face cannot race tha galaxy!_

_But if I taste the patse just in case of mu grace_

_I cen mace it all a realyti!_

_Why am I in te fist place?_

_Lovery Spase!_

The crows were ceering at the god music but then a bunck of mercenaries from Escilpse runned in and kiled a lot of people. "Were looking for a qiarian girl who is her for the geth so turm her ovar you moterfukcers!" The bad guy holded a litle kogan girl at gumpoint and she was cying and her pants were to because she was only cild because genophage. Sheep hated this so she steeped forwad and daid "I'm rite here you shitfucks!" The bad guy smelled and let the krogan girl go and toed to Sheep. "The geth will plaid a lot for you but I will rap you first!" he sad with his penes out. "No you won't you no dick!" Sheep shiuted and she diced his dik off with lasser catana and shot his head of with a buning pizza. Mopre mercenries ceme in and plasted bullets to paces, and Garrus got heasdhoot gagainst the bad guys and some of died. "Oh no! Tooo many merks!" Garrus and Sheep said but twen Lsari amped her gitar with biobic anps and shatered the merc skils with the powert of brock and roll! "AUGHFAGAGHAAAAGHF!" The eclip all cry before they expoded into computter bibs becuse they wart really geth in disgusting!

"That as wiked sick!" Sheep compemented Lsari. "Tanks." She sad bloshing. "We should teem up because needle new help!" Sheep aks her. "YES!" She hapy to join!


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOR: CEBERUS CONECTOIN!

The kogans said "Tank you Lsara for not leting our dater get shoted to deth!" "It wasent me it was Sheep." Lsara bushed, but Sheep said "No it was WE who did it." SHeep said. The krogans kissed them ad gade them some money and magic amo. "We should bet back to the ship!" Joker joked so they did. "Our neck lead is Ceberus the ciminal gang of the un iverse." Lsara expositoned. "I know them I can you there!" Joker lafed and he pot the mass efect in hypersped mode! They wented to the Illusive Man house somewere in the sky. "Ho is it?" The Illusive mykan aksed? "I am Sheep and this Garus and Ksara we ned know where my sitser goat is?" Sheep explanned. "NO! Ceberus is a human opperaton what work for human an not an allen so go fuck your self you ailen whore!" The invisble man sad mad. Sheep cicked the rengegate mouse and she pull a laser katana at his. "Tell me or cut of your balls?!" Sheep assed him agen. "OK! I don't want not balls off! The clue in is a base on palnet Morg where Cerberbus is, bnut they will kil you!" The ilusove mab staid. "Will see!" They said and they shipped away to the panlet where it was.

When they fot planet, the Cerberus gyu said "Not allowed here!" But Garrus punched him out culd. The rest of derberus started shoting at them, but Lsara but up a sheld to protect them and Sheep shot hot pizza at them and Garrus threw celery javlins and impaled them in the hart. "WE NEDD REENFORCERMENTS!" The cerbrus guy yelled and he pushed a button thet made a really big robot made of comuters jump there! "GRAAAWARRRGDFAAARGDARGH!" The robbot screamed and it shopped plassma at the sheld and melded it. "Fuck! Were all dead!" Sheep dried because pizza hot can't kill robot. Every body runned fat with the brobot chassing them across hall. They were corned when Garrus relized "He wants love!" So Garrus huged the robot and it cried "WAAAHAAAGAAAAH! I know were Goat is she is in the geth sation on planet moon!" Garrus got pargon points and they leaved.


	5. Chapter 5

XHAPTER FIVE: THE GOTH!

They n went to geth base on planet moon in a soler system someweatr and the place was full geth. The geth all gunned at Sheep and Garus and Lsara and even Jokker! But then before they could shoot, a voce said "STOP!" It was Goat but something rong; she was robot parts on quatian parts like syborg! "NOOOOO! Your a geth too!" Sheep cried to her siser. "Yes I am!" Goat sed mad at Sheep and she punched Sheep. "But I am sister!" Sheep cry. "NO! You are organic!" Goat maded, "All organ people are bad and evl! They do drug and gamble! They make robost like geth to kil Inncent peple for them! They raep and steel! They are baad and we will use geth techology to mak them not bad like me!" "That's fucking stupid." Garrus repiled. Goat shot his foot with a soda canon and it rely hurt. "Sistr! Don't!" Sheep cied but Goat continue shotting at her team and they cocked out. "Youre going to dead now siser!" Goat laufed but sheep daid "NO1 SIS NOOOOOOO!"

THEN THE REPERS BITRAYED THE GETH!

There were reepers fying the base and they lasered and torpedod at the geth boats and explosioned them! "WHAT THE SHITTING FUCK?!" Goat scramed at the reaprs were killing the geth? "We neeed a get a geth reaper so we have to kill al geth to mak one!" Sais a reaper. "Goddam! Sheep we have a comon enemu now!" Goar yelld and she revive Garrus and Lsara with geth magic. Only Sheep's Sheep was left so they went to Joker to fy it away to atack. The reepers didn't notice, but the Sheep ship flief behin d them and torpedo the one reaper in bacvk and hide. "You fuker!" The reaper said to other reaper andf he tried shot but missed. Then all reaper were fight each other because they thought. After a torpedo reaper kill them all, only the reapr king Soveign alived. "Hahahah! I am imortal you dumbs!" He lasered the ship and killed Joker BUT JOKER WASN'T DEAD! "Fuck! He going kill us!" Joker cry, but Sheep had enough shit. "I'M GOING KILL YPU FOR WHAT DID TO GOAT, YOU BASTORD!" Sheep yell and jomp out shop. "Sis he will kill you!" Goat said worry but she didn't hear. "Now my finnal atack! TOPREDO FIST BLASTER!" Sheep yell and her hand turn into big nucclear sun bomb and she puch Soveign hatrd! "NOOOOOOOOO!" Soveign yell and he expoded in a big suppernova boom!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

But sheep died, too.

"SIS NOOOOOOO!" Goat cried because her sister dead! "I never even sad sorry for atacking you!" SHe weep the corner a lot, but Garrus Lsara Joker tell her it will ne OK. "I can't floatilla because geth," Goat say, "So I will protict the unverse in her memory." Garrus and Lsara and Joker said "Yes." So they flied away, BUT SOVEIGN GOT UP FROM DUST! "Hahaha! I'm not dead but Dheep is! Now to terror the uniderse!"

THE EMD FOR NOW

O.S: I'm hungey now.


End file.
